Don't Judge a Woman by Her Looks!

I know this tip may sound very cliche, but it's true. At some point or another we're all guilty of judging something, or someone, based on appearance alone. While it's not right, we still seem to have that tendency to be superficial. This type of behavior can be very detrimental when it comes to seducing a woman. Women like to be appreciated for who they are, not what they look like. Even those women who have great physical beauty don't necessarily want to be judged on that characteristic alone.

Women keep the thought in the back of their mind that one day they may want to have a child. If and when they become pregnant, look at all the changes their body goes through. The mere fact that their body has to expand at a very rapid pace to accommodate the growth of the baby is frightening. And the knowledge that their figure may never be the same is equally frightening.

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Another thought that women have is that eventually we all get older and less youthful in appearance. We know that in general, a man is considered more distinguished looking when his hair takes on the salt and pepper look, whereas women merely look old. A few wrinkles on a man are no big deal, but for women the first sign of a wrinkle is cause to consider bo-tox treatment, or more. Society has made women terribly self conscious. Bear in mind when considering what you truly believe is important in a woman. If looks is top on your list it will surely lead to a very dissatisfying experience for you, and your woman.

Let me give you a live example of having looks at the top of your list of qualities, a woman must have. My son's first wife was a beautiful young woman on the outside, but lacked certain traits on the inside that my son was looking for. Within a few short months the lack of these traits began to have an impact on their marriage. And the longer the marriage went on the harder the marriage came for both of them. Unfortunately within less than two years they divorced. Thank goodness there were no children involved.

Two years later my son married a woman who had a more normal physical appearance. However, she had an overabundance of "beautiful traits" on the inside. It quickly became apparent in their marriage that they were very compatible and were happy together.

I'm not trying to say that you have to resolve to be happy with someone you find utterly unattractive. Women all have preferences in looks, personality and many other traits that we have to abide by. It's a matter of compatibility. But what women do have to take into consideration is that attraction is not just a matter of physical appearance. So take the time to find out what's inside before you discount women based on what's outside.

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How to Fight Fairly

In any relationship worth having conflict is bound to arise.  The true test of the relationship is whether or not you feel that it is worthwhile to resolve these conflicts and if you are able to do so in a fair and objective way.  Key elements to fighting fairly include sticking to the issue at hand, being open to listening to the other person, not involving others in the fight, not bringing up old issues and finally being willing to accept responsibility and let it go when the fight is over. 

It’s important to know what you are fighting over and to stick to that issue in the argument.  If you allow things to build up over time and then explode with many grievances at once neither you nor the person you are fighting with will have a clear understanding of what the issue is or why you are fighting.  It is important to address each issue as they arise to alleviate resentment and fighting that does not have a clear focus.  Sticking to one specific issue in a fight is the fair way to fight and it’s also the most successful way to fight.  If both parties involved have a clear understanding of why they are fighting you are much more likely to reach a mutually amicable resolution. 

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Listening is a very important component of fighting fairly.  It is imperative to allow the other person to offer their side of the argument.  Fighting without listening will not be effective because it does not allow you to be open to the other person’s opinions and justifications.  The other person may have a very valid reason for their actions but if you are only interested in what you have to say and are unwilling to listen you will not hear their point of view.  Another aspect of listening is to really understand what the other person is saying.  It’s very easy to not hear the intent of a person’s message.  In a fight you want to actively clarify the other person’s statements and give them the opportunity to affirm or negate your interpretation of their argument.  Listening attentively and understanding the other person’s argument is a very effective and fair way to fight. 

Bringing others into a fight is not a fair way to fight.  It is important that the fight take place between those directly involved and that neither party elicits the help of friends or family members to validate their position.  It doesn’t matter how many other people agree with you, that does not necessarily make you right, so don’t involve others in your fight.  This is not only not fair to your partner but it is also not fair to those who are dragged into the argument.  While you may have many people who agree with you and believe you are right, bringing them into the fight just isn’t fair and also isn’t effective. 

In a fair fight it is also important to not bring up old issues.  A fair fight will remain focused and bringing up the past distracts from the current issues and also sends the message that the past has not been forgotten.  If you partner feels that you are bringing up old issues, he may begin to feel as if the current fight is not worth fighting because it will not be forgotten.  If you convey the message that you are not willing to forgive and forget you are not fighting fairly because your partner will feel as though the argument is no longer worthwhile.  Also, bringing up old issues is not fair because they are not relevant to the current fight.  A fair fight is clearly focused on a current conflict without dredging up old issues. 

Another key tactic for fighting fairly is to be willing to accept responsibilities for your own actions and be willing to reach a resolution and move on from the argument.  Those who fight fairly are prepared to concede the fact that they may lose the argument.  Losing the argument means either that you admit that you were solely to blame in the situation or that you are unable to convince the other person of your argument.  What is important in a fair fight is not who is right or who is wrong but that the couple is able to reach an amicable agreement and that they are both able to progress and leave the fight in the past. 

Fighting fairly is crucial in a healthy relationship.  Disagreements are natural and resolving them in a fair way is imperative to a thriving relationship.  Not fighting fairly is indicative of a relationship that is not healthy.  A fair fight however incorporates the key elements of focus, listening and resolution without involving third parties in the fight.  A fair fight is also left in the past after resolution.  Fair fighting leads to resolution in most cases.

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How to Demand Respect AND Get It

Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person.  This feeling is generally a result of a person’s achievements.  While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve. 

There are several ways however that you can put yourself in a situation where you will begin to receive the respect that you deserve.  In general the keys to demanding respect and getting it are treating others with respect, treating yourself with respect, conveying a sense of confidence, not being afraid to make decisions and dressing appropriately.  These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.  

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If you expect others to treat you with respect, one of the first steps you must take is to begin treating others with respect if you aren’t already doing so.  If you have a disrespectful attitude towards others it will be difficult for them to feel respectful towards you.  Treating others with respect demonstrates that you are worthy of respect yourself because it shows that you are capable of holding others in esteem.  If you do not give others their due respect, many people will see you as a person who is not compassionate of others and not willing to understand the value of others.  Many bosses will try to demand respect by being authoritative with their subordinates.  While authority is a characteristic that commands respect, this is often taken too far and if the boss does not recognize the employees achievements the employee will most likely be resentful of the boss and not feel respectful towards him.  On the other hand a boss that maintains an authoritative air while also being supportive of his employees and willing to listen to their ideas will gain the respect of his employees. 

Treating yourself with respect is another key element to receiving respect from others.  Self respect is seeing yourself for your innate worth and acting accordingly by treating yourself with esteem.  It’s important to treat others with respect but by the same token you must also treat yourself with respect.  While self-deprecating humor may be your way of coping with your perceived inadequacies this type of behavior demonstrates to other that you do not feel you are truly worthy of their respect.  In order to gain the respect of others you must first treat yourself with respect. 

Confidence also inspires a sense of respect.  Being confident, without being arrogant, is a sign that you know your abilities and past performances are worthy of respect.  Knowing that you are a highly capable person and not being afraid to let others know this is another way to demand respect and get it.  Exercise caution with using confidence to command respect though.  Over confidence may have the reverse effect and result in you not receiving respect.  Knowing your abilities and being confident in yourself will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of those around you. 

Decision making is another aspect that could be a determining factor in whether or not those around you respect you.  This goes along with confidence in that if you are sure of yourself you will not hesitate to make the right decisions in any situation.  An ability to make decisions without wavering or being unsure of yourself will inspire confidence in those around you.  While it’s important to seek advice and counsel from others, if you are in charge of a situation the decision is ultimately yours to make.  If you make valid decisions without showing signs of doubt you will be respected for your ability to take a stand and act on what you believe is right. 

Dressing the part is also very important in earning the respect of others.  While casual clothing may be acceptable in many work places you will find that those who are in a position of authority and command respect often dress less casually than those who are not well respected.  While your clothes are not an accurate indication of your abilities others around you may jump to conclusions based on your appearance.  While this is a sad fact of life, it’s important to acknowledge that this does exist in society and take care to always convey a professional appearance.  Doing so will help you to earn the respect of your friends and colleagues as well as your employer. 

Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, in most cases, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned.  You can earn the respect you deserve by treating yourself and others with respect, being confident and unafraid to make important decisions and dressing in a way that shows that you have respect for yourself.  All of these aspects will help to ensure that you are not only demanding respect but also getting it.

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