Showing posts with label mending a broken heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mending a broken heart. Show all posts

Thursday, April 11, 2013

3 Broken Heart Remedies

A broken heart is one of the most painful feelings a person will experience, the sadness that accompanies a break up is incredibly intense.  The more love that you felt for your ex partner, the more your heart will suffer.  Is there a broken heart remedy?  Unfortunately there is no instant cure or remedy for a broken heart but that doesn’t mean that you are destined to feel that agonizing hurt for the rest of your life.  Although you will feel alone, sad and depressed for a while, there are some steps that you can take to help overcome your sadness.


Recovery from a broken heart will take time but these steps will help you to deal with the hurt that you are feeling and speed up the recovery process.  While they are not an instant remedy for your poor, crushed heart, they will help you get through this difficult period.

1. Take Control of Your Emotions


It is easy to lose control of your emotions when you are in such a desperately sad state following a relationship break up.  You will feel such a big range of emotions including intense sadness, incredible anger and rejection.  You will sometimes be angry at yourself and sometimes feel anger toward your ex.  If you can’t take control of your emotions then you will find it difficult to move on.

A roller coaster of emotions is perfectly normal after a break up and there is nothing wrong with experiencing such a big range of different emotions, just as long as those emotions don't take over your life.  If you are feeling sad then let the emotions out, have a good cry and then move on.  If you are feeling angry then let those emotions out too, go punch a punching bag or go down the beach and scream your lungs out and then move on.  If you let your emotions continue to bring you down and can't get past them then you might find yourself falling into a deep depression and that will be very difficult to climb back out of.

2. Accept that The Relationship is Over


Everything in life happens for a reason and if you can look at your break up with this attitude then you are one step closer to mending your broken heart.  Even though you might feel that your ex partner is 'the one' for you, perhaps he isn't.  Perhaps this relationship was never destined to work.  If this person isn't 'the one' then as long as you are with him you are prohibited from finding Mr Right.  Maybe this break up happened for a reason and happened so that you could change paths in your life journey and find the person that you really are meant to be with.  You will find happiness again and as soon as you accept that this relationship is over the sooner you can open yourself up to finding happiness.

3. Move On With Your Life


Sometimes you just need to let go and move on.  The ending of this relationship is not the end for the world; it is just the end of one chapter in your life journey.  When it is obvious that this relationship wasn’t meant to be, then you can let go and move on with your life. 

Although breaking up from a relationship is incredibly sad just try to remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and many more fantastic experiences to have.  There is no magic cure to heal a broken heart but if you consider these three steps and try to follow them you can start to recovery from the heartache and move on with your life.  Learn from the experiences you shared with this person and become a stronger person from them.  It's time to move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

How To Get Over Someone You Love - Time Helps

Going through a breakup is never an enjoyable experience. It doesn't matter which side of the break up you're on, and it doesn't matter how amicable it seemed to be; it's still a relationship coming to an end. No matter how long you were together, you had time to build up real feelings for the other person, and now you want to know how to get over someone you still love. I'm going to be honest, it won't always be easy, but it is possible.


Before we start looking at the specific steps you can take to get over someone after a break up, let's take a look at why that's so important to do. It's important because you are going to have to move on. You will eventually meet somebody new (or maybe you have already). The new person in your life deserves your full affections and shouldn't have to compete with the feelings you have for someone else. Okay, now on to ways to get over your ex.

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The first thing to do is think about any of the times you were treated poorly. Did your ex ever put you down? Did they ever intentionally ignore your thoughts or feelings? Were they abusive? This step can be painful, but the goal is to show yourself that they maybe didn't love you as much as you thought they did. This makes it easier to stop feeling as though they should be loved back.

You also need to give things some time. The more time that passes after your break up, the less affection you should be feeling. Unfortunately, sometimes the opposite is true. It seems that the longer we are separated, the stronger our love for the other person becomes. Don't let that happen to you.

Another thing that will help to answer the question of how to get over someone you still love is to accept that it's over. Your ex has already moved on. What you had may have been special, but there will be somebody else who will be even more special. Living in a fantasy world where your ex and you will be happy again isn't going to help get your feelings back in check. Therefore, it's best to accept reality and move ahead with your life.

Refocusing is another method of getting over an ex. People’s emotions can run high after a break up. This can actually amplify your feelings of love. The problem is that they are focused on the wrong person. So, if you can change the target of your affection, it will help you to get over the other person.

How to get over someone you still love is not always the easiest thing to do, no question. Relationships are complicated, and getting over them takes time. However, by following the tips above, you will soon be over your ex and be able to start living your life. After all, no matter what has happened in the past, you still deserve to be happy.

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Monday, March 11, 2013

Whats Up With Relationship Coaches?

A relationship coach is an expert who literally becomes a part of your relationship for a short time and during that time they evaluate your relationship, act as a visionary in helping you to realize the potential of your relationship and offer tips and guidelines for achieving this potential.  



A relationship coach often has extensive education in human development or communication and they utilize their educational background to help to enhance your relationship.  Relationship coaches are tasked with instilling the skills necessary to produce a more fulfilling relationship and they often do this through listening to your understanding of the problem, observing the couple in action and creating a customized plan of action for the couple.  This article will outline the basic functions of a relationship coach and how they can be beneficial in a relationship. 

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The first step that a relationship coach will often take is to listen to a couple's complaints about the relationship.  While the couple may not be seeing the full problem, their understanding of the existing issues is often a good starting point for a relationship coach to begin her evaluation.  It is important that in your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you bring up all of the problems you see with the relationship. 

While you and your partner may have already discussed these issues at length, your relationship coach needs to hear these issues so that she can be sure to make an effort to observe these issues in the next stage of the process.  Being open and honest with your relationship coach about your perception of the problem is crucial to receiving a benefit from the use of a relationship coach.  Trying to hide certain issues or neglecting to mention them does not give the relationship coach an accurate representation of your relationship.  Furthermore it can be detrimental because if you neglect to mention a particular issue your relationship coach may be inclined to believe that you are satisfied with this aspect of your relationship and may not work to make improvements in this area.  In your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you will have the opportunity to offer your take on the relationship and let the coach know what you think is working and what needs improvement. 

After the initial consultation a relationship coach will often take some time to evaluate the couple’s relationship through observation.  They may come into the couple's lives on a daily basis and ask them to act normally while they observe the way that the couple interacts.  This step is very important because it gives the relationship coach a chance to determine whether or not the couple's self assessment of their relationship is accurate.  The couple may have their own beliefs about why an aspect of their relationship is dysfunctional but through careful observation the relationship coach may determine that the source of the problem is very different from the couple’s perception.  While a relationship coach may be able to determine the problems in a couple’s relationship through observation, this is only possibly if the couple makes an honest effort to act naturally during this observation period.  If the couple tries to fix their own problems during this phase and does not act naturally it will be difficult for the relationship coach to form a valid opinion about the way the couple interacts. 

Once a relationship coach has had the opportunity to meet with the couple and spend some time observing their interactions they will be able to design a customized plan of action for enhancing the relationship and working to improve troubled areas.  The relationship coach will often offer exercises for the couple that will help them to see what they are doing wrong in the relationship and how these discrepancies can be fixed.  These exercises may involve either role playing activities that address everyday situations the couple faces or tips for communicating in stressful situations when they arise.  These exercises may also offer ways for the couple to learn to communicate in new ways for all situations not just those that place stress on the relationship.  While the exercises prescribed by the relationship coach may sound either too complicated or too simplistic, it is important to remember that these exercises won’t help your relationship unless you are willing to give them a try. 

Finally it is important to realize when relationship coaching will be effective in a relationship.  The general rule of thumb is that if you are considering enlisting the help of a relationship coach, then they will most likely be able to help your relationship.  The simple fact that you are considering a relationship coach demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship and are willing to work to improve the relationship.  If you have never heard of relationship coaches and a friend or relative suggests one and your attitude is that they won’t be able to help you that that is an indication that you have already given up on the relationship and in this scenario a relationship coach will most likely not be able to help your relationship.  The use of a relationship coach is most effective when at least one but preferably both of the partners are committed to doing whatever it takes to salvage the relationship. 

Relationship coaches may not be for everyone or every relationship but they can be critical in enhancing a relationship in some situations.  It is important to realize that relationship coaches can not solve all of your problems but they can offer you solutions for some problems and exercises for working on these problems.  If you are willing to put an honest effort into solving some of the problems in your relationship then you may greatly benefit from the advice of a relationship coach.

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Monday, March 4, 2013

A Relationship Breakup - You Will Get Over It

After a relationship breakup, everything in the world can seem bleak and depressing. The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal reaction. Anytime anything "bad" happens to us, we go through a period of grieving. A relationship breakup is no exception.

When a relationship ends, you have a loss. There is the loss of a person from your life who you've spent lots of time with. The intimacy you shared with this person now feels gone, and it's common to think you will never have or sometimes even want that with another person. Breaking up can simply feel like the end of the world.

But it's not! You need to put your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the proper perspective so you can move on. This isn't easy to do, but it’s important that you start trying as soon as possible. 

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You'll get tons of advice on how to deal with a relationship breakup. You'll hear everything from “burn all your pictures” to “hop back on the horse and find another relationship.” You will know which approach is best for you, no matter what anyone says. Don’t try something that worked for someone else if it doesn't feel right.

Give yourself permission to feel bad at first. Whenever you have a loss you go through the same stages of grief as you do when there’s a death or any type of ending, with the degree of feeling varying from situation to situation.

1. Denial is the first stage of loss after anything difficult like the end of a relationship. This can't be happening!

2. Next, pain and guilt set in after the shock and denial start to fade.

3. Anger comes next, as does something called bargaining. If I do this or don't do that, maybe we can get back together. I'll never look at another man as long as I live, if only . . . .

4. Depression and loneliness set in, once it's clear that bargaining won't change the painful truth.

5. The next step is the lessening of depression when things start to seem a little better.

6. Then comes the hard part of working through it and getting past it.

7. The last stage of grief after a relationship breakup or any loss is acceptance, and hope for a better future.

It can help to try to figure out which stage you're in, and to know that everyone experiences something along these lines. Not everyone will go through every stage and they might not even be in order.

You might never start bargaining, for instance, especially if you know it's really and truly over. But most people's grief process will follow that general pattern. It's important to recognize that there is a final stage, and that stage means you've gotten past it.

Try to put your relationship breakup into perspective with other important things that have happened and will happen in your life, and remember that you'll eventually get to the acceptance stage, too.

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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Surviving A Breakup - 3 Things To Help

Surviving a breakup can feel impossible, especially if you didn’t really want the relationship to end. But even if you were the one who decided it was over, it can feel crummy to have such an important part of your life end. There are three important things you can to help with surviving a breakup.

First, let yourself be sad. It’s natural to not want to feel sad. None of us likes to be upset or depressed. But when a relationship ends, no matter who ended it, you lose a part of your life. If you haven’t been dating long, the sad period probably won’t last that long. But for a long-term relationship, you might be sad for a long time.

It’s important, as painful as it is, to allow yourself to feel that way. The tendency is to avoid those feelings and try to move on to something that feels better. But being sad is a necessary step in the healing process.

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Letting yourself feel the sadness will let you deal with the emotions and the pain. Remember that surviving a breakup is more than just moving on. If you can deal with the bad feelings, you’ll be better to able to experience the good feelings that come when you’ve moved on.

Second, keep busy. You have to deal with the sadness and not deny it or push it aside, but that doesn’t mean you can or should let yourself wallow in it. If you feel like spending the entire day in bed crying, you can let yourself do that. But the next day, even if you feel that way again, make yourself do something else.

Let yourself cry for an hour, and then find an activity to help distract you. Even if it’s only watching a movie, at least you’ll be able to concentrate on something else for brief periods of time.

Keep in mind that no matter how “active” your activity might be, sad thoughts and memories will still creep in. Even if you’re solving a hard puzzle and concentrating to distract yourself, now and then a memory will pop up and your mind will be back on the breakup. This is normal.

You just have to deal with the feeling briefly and not let it sidetrack you. Feel it, cry for a bit if you need to, and then keep concentrating on your activity. Soon, the sad thoughts and feelings will pop up less and less when you’re doing other things.

Finally, decide to forgive your ex. Surviving a breakup isn’t just about leaving one relationship and looking for another.

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You need to resolve things in the old relationship to help you be more emotionally healthy in the next relationship. If you were hurt in the relationship, forgive your ex for his or her part in that.

This might seem an impossible task. Start by realizing that it really does take two, and that surviving a breakup is more important than having someone to blame for it.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Steps For Surviving A Break Up

Surviving a break up is a painful experience.  You may feel rejected.  You may be doubting your own self worth.  You may not feel like getting out of bed in the morning.  One thing that may help you is to know that most people have already gone about the process of surviving a break up and have come out stronger for it.

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Here are some of the steps for surviving a break up.


First of all, allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship.  Your ex was almost like an appendage to you.  You identified him or her as a part of you.  You were two halves of a couple.  Just as you would be lost if your right arm was cut off, losing a significant other can be painful.

So, spend some time grieving for the relationship's end.  It can actually be a healthy thing to do.

But at some point (hopefully soon), you have to move on.  You will need to go through a process of being angry at your ex.  He or she hurt you and you have every right to feel mad at them.

Here’s a tip for surviving a break up in the anger stage.  Write a long letter to your ex spilling out your guts about how you feel.  Put every emotion, experience, and feeling into the letter.  But don't mail it to them.  Whatever you do, don't mail it.  Instead, light a candle and burn it slowly over the flame.  As your letter goes up in smoke, release your anger.

At this point, it is time to start rebuilding your life.  Surviving a break up means getting back into the game.  You should definitely lean on the support of friends and family during this difficult time.  The people closest to you will understand that you are having trouble putting your life back together and they should offer you the support that you need to heal.

Also, you should look for activities that spark your interest.  Perhaps there were things that your ex didn't like to do with you that you've missed.  Renew your interest in these things.  If you have had a lifelong desire to learn something, there’s no time like after a break up to try.  You will probably make new friends when you start a new activity and you might even meet a love interest who shares your passion.

At some point, you will want to start dating again.  Don’t expect your first few dates to turn into lifetime relationships.  Just test the waters.  Go out for coffee or a drink.  Have fun and don’t be too serious about these things.

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Surviving a break up is always a painful process.  But, you are capable of moving on with your life.  Look at the end of the relationship as a chance for growth.  Millions of people have survived a split with their ex and you will too.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Surviving A Breakup - Write It Down

Right after a relationship ends, surviving a breakup might seem an impossible task. It hurts so much, and it’s easy to think that you’ll never feel happy again. It’s also easy to think that you might never find someone else. A good step to take when surviving a breakup is to start writing all these feelings down.

Journaling is something that millions of people do every day for a variety of reasons. Some people have kept diaries since they were children. At first they simply wrote down the important things that happened that day. Many children’s diaries are just filled with little lists about what they did all day.


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As people get older, their journals and diaries tend to become more introspective. They write about an event and how it made them feel or what they thought it meant. Sometimes they write about how they think a certain event might affect them in the future.

Journaling or keeping a diary can help with surviving a breakup by giving you an outlet to express yourself. You can write things down that you might be uncomfortable saying to someone else. Embarrassing things or things that really upset you so much that you don’t really want to tell anyone can be “told” to your diary.

Many people never start journaling because they don’t think they know how. But there really is no special way to do it. You don’t have to have a special diary or journal to begin. You can write in a regular notebook or keep a file on your computer for your thoughts.

But you can purchase a special book to write in if you want. It can be as casual or as formal as you choose. If it makes you happy, purchase a special journal with a pretty cover and fine paper inside. If not, grab a spiral notebook or open that file in your word processor and start a journal.

As you’re surviving a breakup, when you feel especially sad write about why you think that is and what you think you can do about it. When you’re missing your ex, write about it. It’s okay to cry or feel upset while writing. In fact, it’s good to do so. You’re getting it out.

You don’t have to write in your journal every day. You don’t have to start every entry “Dear Diary” or do it in any specific way. You might scrawl down one sentence, “I hate this!” and three days later write 5 pages of things you won’t miss about your ex and why you’re glad it’s over. All of these are good for you.

Another way to use writing to help get over a relationship is to write a letter to your ex. Write down everything you want to say to him or her, good and bad, and be brutally honest. Now that you’ve purged yourself, throw the letter away.

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Surviving a breakup can be made easier by writing down and dealing with your feelings, so give it a try.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Relationship Breakups - How To Stay Friends

Relationship breakups don’t always mean that the person you’re breaking up with needs to be cut completely out of your life. Many people continue to have warm and satisfying friendships with their exes by making sure that their relationship breakups are done without hurting anyone more than necessary.

There are situations where you know that you don’t really want that person to continue to be in your life. Maybe things that happened during the relationship are just too painful. You feel like you can’t forgive him or her for what they did. 

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You might be surprised later on once the initial hurt has passed at how differently you feel. While the chances that you would want to get back together with that person are slim, you might discover you really miss having him or her in your life.

This is never more true than when your ex was your friend first. When you had a great friendship and that lead to a romantic relationship, relationship breakups don’t just end the romance, but now you’ve lost that great friendship, too.

It doesn’t have to be that way, though, if the other person wants to keep you in his or her life, too. The only way to find this out is to have a conversation about it. You might be in for a pleasant surprise to discover that your ex still wants to be friends, too.

If you talk to your boyfriend, though, and he has an attitude or is angry and doesn’t want to continue a friendship, then accept it but don’t burn any bridges. Don’t go out with an attitude or become insulting.

There’s always the chance that he can’t see past the hurt and anger he’s feeling, and could change his mind later. But if you throw a few parting shots to make the pain and hurt even worse, you might be sabotaging your chances of having this person as a friend later.

Relationship breakups are never easy, and it’s not necessarily easy to stay friends afterwards. This is true even if you were best friends before you began the romantic relationship. When you’re in a romance with someone, that person knows intimate details about you and your life.

And after a breakup, some people might see those tidbits of information as weapons. It’s very easy to insult someone in a way that you know will really hurt them when you’re hurting, too. The desire to lash out or to protect yourself by striking the first verbal blow is a natural emotional response.

No one knows the little details that can wound you quite as deeply as someone you’ve been in a relationship with. If your ex uses these little things to hurt you, try to keep it in perspective. Yes, it’s painful, but he’s coming from a place of anger, too. 

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Don’t fight back like that. Take the high road, and be respectful. Even if your relationship breakups don’t end in you remaining friends, you’ll feel better for not making the situation even worse.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Proven Ways Of Mending A Broken Heart

The best part about being a human, is the ability to actually deeply care about and love someone.  To be in love is probably one of the greatest emotions we can experience.  When you're in a relationship and everything is going well, it's sometimes easy to take the relationship for granted. 

Unfortunately, relationships, even the ones you thought were going smoothly, can come to an abrupt end.  While truly caring about someone and loving them is great and a source of pleasure, when the relationship is over it can be a huge source of pain, sorrow, and a broken heart.  If the break up is recent, you may not believe it, but there are things you can do to begin mending a broken heart.

Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, potion, lotion, or method for instantly mending a broken heart.   It is imperative that you understand this.  After a break up, there will be times when your emotions are going to be up, down, sideways, diagonal, and every other way, but right.  

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In fact, you'll probably experience combination's of emotions you never thought possible.  One example is anger and sadness mixed together.  You'll find that sometimes your emotions can change at the drop of a hat.  You'll be feeling fine, laughing one minute, the next you'll be really sad, even crying.   The most important thing you have to realize is that it all seems bleak and dark now.  However, as time presses on, things will get better. 

It is critical that you try to reign in your emotions.  Does this mean you should bottle up your emotions?  No, absolutely not.  However, it does mean that you shouldn't let your sadness, anger, depression, or any other emotion control you for long periods of time. If you're feeling sad, allow yourself to have a “pity party” for a maximum of 15 minutes.  Then, say to yourself “Okay, that's enough.  It's time to stop.

Mending a broken heart is also going to require you to try and stay busy.  If you give your mind a lot of idle time to think, it will probably want to think about your break up.  This isn't good.  Try to keep your mind and body active.  You probably won't feel like doing this very much, but its important.   Go somewhere, do something, try to drag friends along.  Tell them to not let you talk about the break up.  Try not to sit around the house and do nothing.  That's the worst thing you can do.

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Falling in love is usually the easy part.  Mending a broken heart is not.  That's just one of the cruel realities of life.  Everything has an equal and an opposite.  The wonderful, uplifting, feelings you get from being in love, are the exact opposite to the miserable, depression and sadness, that go along with a break up.  Time, an active lifestyle, happy thoughts, and good friends will get you through this tough time.