Getting Beyond He Said-She Said

The term, "He said/she said" is often heard in the unfortunate case of rape.  In this situation the term applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine who's story they believe and the case becomes one of her word against his.  These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship.  

Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem that men and women think and process information differently. The differences between male and female gender include differences in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication.  A successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she said scenarios.  

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Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems.  While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between them. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner.  Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. 

Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution.  Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem.  Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together.  Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper. 

Sensitivity is another area where ladies and gentlemen differ.  Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. 

However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration.  This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision.  Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple to get beyond he said/she said. 

Men and Women also differ in terms of memory.  Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item.  For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. 

Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions.  This type of memory is especially problematic because when a women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don't understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that is so vivid to them. 

Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship.  Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner.  When they do decide to discuss a problem it's usually after much thought and careful consideration.  Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily.  Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion.  They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution.  The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship.

Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship.  Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to flourish.  Understanding these he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship; in regards to gender differences.

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Strategies For Convincing A Spouse To Save A Marriage

When you’re partner seems minutes away from packing their bags—or you're living separately already—convincing a spouse to save a marriage can seem next to impossible. If you take a step back from
the situation, though, you can see that there are realistic options for changing the mind of a spouse who's about to walk out. Here are some strategies that may just get your partner to come around.

Fake it 'til you make it'

It's a common strategy for business and other areas of social like, but acting 'as if' can work for marriages, too. It works so well because how we act has a major influence both on how we feel and on how others see us.

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For a while, try forgetting that you have anything but a perfectly blissful marriage and treat your spouse accordingly. Now, that's not going to be so easy if your partner's still bitter and liable to pick a fight. Still, you can take advantage of those times when things are
going well to try to see your spouse as the person you were deeply in love with when you decided to get married.

Be reasonable

Whether you want your spouse to join you in marriage counseling or just try out a few tips you picked up from a book, you'll have more success in winning them over if you don't push. Threats, guilt trips, and begging are more likely to push your partner away than give you any success convincing him to save a marriage. Instead, use a calm logical approach that taps into the underlying regard you spouse most likely still has for you or at least for the children.

Statements like 'With everything we've invested in each other, don't you think it's worth a try to save it?' or 'Wouldn't you rather be able to tell the kids we tried everything?' can help.

Address the problems

When convincing a spouse to save a marriage, promises to change ring pretty hollow unless you can back them up. If you expect your husband to believe you're not going to repeat certain mistakes in
the future, give them a real reason. This is especially important if you've had an affair or you're struggling with an addiction.

For instance, if you've started counseling to resolve an addiction that you've never dealt with before, your partner has a reason to believe things will get better.

Take care of yourself

The stress and low mood, marital problems naturally bring about, can leave you feeling like you just don't want to do anything. For your own sake, though, don't give in to that feeling or you'll only make yourself feel worse and drive your spouse farther away.

Make sure you're eating right, getting enough sleep, and not cutting corners on personal grooming. Stay on top of your responsibilities like finances and home maintenance. 

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Convincing a spouse to save a marriage isn't always easy, but it can be done. The most important thing you need to do is stay calm, stay upbeat, and actively look for solutions to the problems between you.

If you need more advice on convincing your spouse to save a marriage, most marriage counselors and professionally written self-help ebooks online can give you some
tips.

Top 3 Reasons Why Men Dump Women

No one likes to be rejected.  This is especially true for women. One form of rejection is being dumped by the person whom you really love or are in a relationship with. Being dumped is never fun.  It can be the source of a great deal of pain, confusion, anger, and hurt.

There was a time when women were the ones who did the vast majority of dumping.  However, this certainly isn't true anymore.  Men, increasingly, are dumping women.  As a woman, who has been dumped, you may not fully understand the motives behind his actions.  Men are not quite as complex as women, when it comes to these sorts of things.  This article was written to help you find some of the answers to the question of “why men dump women?”

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Here are the top three reasons of why men dump women:

1.Lack of Communication

Communication is very important in every relationship. A lack of communication would definitely mean the end of a relationship. Hence, it is often cited as one of the top reasons of why men break up with the woman they are with.

2.Women Become Demanding

Another reason why women are dumped by men is because as time goes by, they become more and more demanding.  Women, Western women in particular,  have a tendency to try and control anything and everything about the relationship, sometimes even the man himself.  They often will try to set rules and limits on their male counterpart.  Women often will give the men a hard time about them hanging out with their friends, what they watch on T.V., working late, etc...Some men will tolerate this type of behavior.  However, the ones that finally get fed up with it, and end it, usually cite this as a reason why they broke up.

3.Being Too Reliant On Men

There are times when women become too clingy, needy, and reliant on their man.  Its okay for a woman to play up the “damsel in distress” routine once in a while.  In fact, most men enjoy playing the role of “hero.”  However, it can be taken too far and becomes quite annoying if done on a regular basis.  Most men want a woman who is independent, and can make decisions on her own.  Some women insist that the man spend every free minute of every free day with her.  It is healthy for people in a relationship to have lives outside the relationship.  If the woman makes the man the center of her life and becomes too obsessed, it usually will be too much for the man.

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Indeed, it is not only women who hold the power to dump men because men also have that power.  These reasons are by no means conclusive.  There are many reasons why men dump women.  The best thing you can do if you were dumped by a man, is to learn from your mistakes, and try not to repeat them in the next relationship.

Surviving A Breakup - Write It Down

Right after a relationship ends, surviving a breakup might seem an impossible task. It hurts so much, and it’s easy to think that you’ll never feel happy again. It’s also easy to think that you might never find someone else. A good step to take when surviving a breakup is to start writing all these feelings down.

Journaling is something that millions of people do every day for a variety of reasons. Some people have kept diaries since they were children. At first they simply wrote down the important things that happened that day. Many children’s diaries are just filled with little lists about what they did all day.

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As people get older, their journals and diaries tend to become more introspective. They write about an event and how it made them feel or what they thought it meant. Sometimes they write about how they think a certain event might affect them in the future.

Journaling or keeping a diary can help with surviving a breakup by giving you an outlet to express yourself. You can write things down that you might be uncomfortable saying to someone else. Embarrassing things or things that really upset you so much that you don’t really want to tell anyone can be “told” to your diary.

Many people never start journaling because they don’t think they know how. But there really is no special way to do it. You don’t have to have a special diary or journal to begin. You can write in a regular notebook or keep a file on your computer for your thoughts.

But you can purchase a special book to write in if you want. It can be as casual or as formal as you choose. If it makes you happy, purchase a special journal with a pretty cover and fine paper inside. If not, grab a spiral notebook or open that file in your word processor and start a journal.

As you’re surviving a breakup, when you feel especially sad write about why you think that is and what you think you can do about it. When you’re missing your ex, write about it. It’s okay to cry or feel upset while writing. In fact, it’s good to do so. You’re getting it out.

You don’t have to write in your journal every day. You don’t have to start every entry “Dear Diary” or do it in any specific way. You might scrawl down one sentence, “I hate this!” and three days later write 5 pages of things you won’t miss about your ex and why you’re glad it’s over. All of these are good for you.

Another way to use writing to help get over a relationship is to write a letter to your ex. Write down everything you want to say to him or her, good and bad, and be brutally honest. Now that you’ve purged yourself, throw the letter away.

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Surviving a breakup can be made easier by writing down and dealing with your feelings, so give it a try.

Proven Ways Of Mending A Broken Heart

The best part about being a human, is the ability to actually deeply care about and love someone.  To be in love is probably one of the greatest emotions we can experience.  When you're in a relationship and everything is going well, it's sometimes easy to take the relationship for granted. 

Unfortunately, relationships, even the ones you thought were going smoothly, can come to an abrupt end.  While truly caring about someone and loving them is great and a source of pleasure, when the relationship is over it can be a huge source of pain, sorrow, and a broken heart.  If the break up is recent, you may not believe it, but there are things you can do to begin mending a broken heart.

Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, potion, lotion, or method for instantly mending a broken heart.   It is imperative that you understand this.  After a break up, there will be times when your emotions are going to be up, down, sideways, diagonal, and every other way, but right.  

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In fact, you'll probably experience combination's of emotions you never thought possible.  One example is anger and sadness mixed together.  You'll find that sometimes your emotions can change at the drop of a hat.  You'll be feeling fine, laughing one minute, the next you'll be really sad, even crying.   The most important thing you have to realize is that it all seems bleak and dark now.  However, as time presses on, things will get better. 

It is critical that you try to reign in your emotions.  Does this mean you should bottle up your emotions?  No, absolutely not.  However, it does mean that you shouldn't let your sadness, anger, depression, or any other emotion control you for long periods of time. If you're feeling sad, allow yourself to have a “pity party” for a maximum of 15 minutes.  Then, say to yourself “Okay, that's enough.  It's time to stop.

Mending a broken heart is also going to require you to try and stay busy.  If you give your mind a lot of idle time to think, it will probably want to think about your break up.  This isn't good.  Try to keep your mind and body active.  You probably won't feel like doing this very much, but its important.   Go somewhere, do something, try to drag friends along.  Tell them to not let you talk about the break up.  Try not to sit around the house and do nothing.  That's the worst thing you can do.

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Falling in love is usually the easy part.  Mending a broken heart is not.  That's just one of the cruel realities of life.  Everything has an equal and an opposite.  The wonderful, uplifting, feelings you get from being in love, are the exact opposite to the miserable, depression and sadness, that go along with a break up.  Time, an active lifestyle, happy thoughts, and good friends will get you through this tough time.

What A Good Quiz For A Relationship Can Reveal

Can a quiz for a relationship really tell you anything you don’t already know? The answer is often yes, but you have to make sure you’re taking a well designed quiz created by someone with some real credentials. Find one of those and there are some very interesting things you can learn about what’s in store for your relationship.

Overall Compatibility

Don’t feel like relying on your horoscope to guide you to your soul mate? A good quiz for a relationship may not be able to tell you where your soul mate is, but it can give you an idea whether or not the person you’re with now might be it. Quiz results can give you insight into important factors like compatibility of beliefs, habits, and long-term goals.

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Healthy or Not?

If you’ve ever been stuck in an unhealthy relationship that involved physical or psychological abuse, no doubt you never want to be in one again. The worst thing about these situations is that it’s often hard to see where things are headed until its too late.

That’s where a quiz for a relationship comes in. By asking the right questions, a relationship quiz can help you pick up on early warning signs that you and your partner may not only be incompatible, but may actually be in an unhealthy situation. 

Eternal love or Dead End?

No matter how crazy you are about each other right now, you can never be 100% sure it will last. You can, however, get some idea whether when you have a good chance or you’re doomed to break up, though. Questions about how you envision the future with your partner and what kinds of plans you’ve made together can give you a fair amount of insight into this. 

What Problems Are In Store?

Yep, every relationship has some problems. Having an idea about what yours might be gives you a chance to head them off before they get too serious. A well designed quiz for a relationship uses questions that help you zero in on potential problems that could grow into something big.

The quiz does this by asking things like how you deal with your partner’s annoying habits, what causes of any moments of tension between you, and what emotions seem to characterize your relationship.

How Others See You!

Even if there aren’t any problems between you, your relationship could still face pressure from outside forces. It might be due to difference in age, race, social status, or any number of things you overlook when you’re deeply in love. Unfortunately, your family and close friends may not overlook these things and constant criticism from them puts a strain on the relationship. You need to be aware of what social problems you might run into so you can discuss how you’re going to handle them.

A quiz for a relationship can tell you a lot about what you and your partner you have to look forward to in the near future. Just remember, though, no two relationships are the same, so no matter how accurate the test, be ready for a few surprises all the same.

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Stop My Divorce Change Yourself First

Are you saying “stop my divorce?”  Is your spouse taking you to divorce court and you want to put the brakes on the legal proceedings?  Do you really want your relationship to work?  If so, here’s how to stop my divorce.

First of all, you have to realize that no matter what your spouse’s reasons for the divorce are, there was something he or she was not getting from the relationship.  In other words, if you want to stop my divorce, you are going to have to make some concrete changes to your life.

It can be helpful to go to a therapist to find out what those reasons were.  But, don’t let the therapist convince you that the divorce is all your ex’s fault.  Instead, work on the issues that you have in your life that would have caused your ex to want to leave you.

One way to do this is to really listen to what your ex is saying.  Does he say that you are too involved with the children and don’t pay enough attention to you?  Does she say you are too involved with work and don’t pay enough attention to you?

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Sometimes financial strain is at the heart of  a marital break up.  Especially in this unsound economy, money woes can cause divorces.  If you want to stop my divorce, you need to address the financial concerns and make a plan for the future.  Remember, it will cost more for you to live apart than it would for you to live together on a restricted budget.

Other times, one party has fallen in love with someone else.  They want to leave you to take up a relationship with a new person.  Is there any way to stop my divorce when adultery has happened?

Of course, this break in marital trust is hard to deal with, but these hurts can be healed.  If you are the victim of a cheating spouse, you need to look hard at what went wrong.  Remember, they wouldn’t have looked elsewhere if they were getting their emotional and sexual needs met at home.  If you want to win them back, you have got to work on changing your own patterns.

In most of history, divorce was not an option in civilized society.  When you took your marriage vows, it really was “til death do us part.”  But, now divorce is easy.  In 49 states, all you have to do is state that you have irreconcilable differences and the Judge will grant the divorce.

In an era of easy divorce, what can you do to save my marriage?  You can begin by looking at what the strains on the marriage were and trying to see if you can improve yourself.  You can’t change your spouse.  If you badger him or her into counseling but they aren’t committed to change, it won’t take.  But, if you change yourself, you may find that your spouse is changing too.

If you really want to save my marriage, begin by changing the only person you can – and that’s you.

The Top Five Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship

If you haven’t had much chance to see how healthy, loving relationships work on a daily basis, taking some time to really study the characteristics of healthy relationships can give you a much better chance of having one yourself. There are lots of different styles of relationships that can work just fine, but all those successful relationship styles tend to have a few things in common.

Respect

Respect is the one of the main characteristics of a healthy relationship, whether it’s friendship, dating, or marriage. A partner who respects you is willing to listen to you in a non-judgmental way and considers your interests when making any mutual decisions. Any partner who disrespects you by making belittling comments about you, criticizing you in front of others, or disregarding your feelings is one you don’t need.

Support

After respect, support comes in next as a critical characteristic of a healthy relationship. You and your partner should be encouraging each other to go after important goals and dreams and giving each other enough freedom to do so. When times get hard, you back each other up instead up tearing each other down.

That doesn’t mean you can expect support for everything you do, though. If your partner is nagging you to quit smoking, eat better, or not stay at the office until 11 o’clock every night, they’re probably doing it out of concern for your well being.

Trust

In a strong, healthy relationship, neither of you should become suspicious or jealous without clear cause. If you have a niggling feeling that you can’t trust your significant other, your relationship will go downhill fast.

That sense of trust doesn’t develop overnight, though. It comes from each partner keeping their promises and sticking to the implicit rules of the relationship (no sleeping around, no lying about major issues, etc.) consistently over a period of time.

No manipulative behavior

Negotiating is one thing, using threats, guilt, and lies to manipulate a partner into doing something is another. No one should have to put up with being bullied this way. If your partner threatens to leave you, withhold physical affection, or in some other way “punish” you during every little disagreement, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

Economic equality

This is one of the less obvious ones, but it’s just as important as the others. Some people, maybe due to an underlying fear of not being able to support themselves, tend to get into relationships where they’re financially dependent on their partner.

At first, the idea of having someone support you might sound nice, but what happens if things turn sour? If you don’t have the financial wherewithal to leave the relationship when you want, you could find yourself at the mercy of someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Never let your partner use money to control you.

There are dozens of characteristics of a healthy relationship, but these are some of the most important ones. Remember, though, it’s a two way street. You may be doing everything “right,” but if your partner is disrespectful, unsupportive, or manipulative, you can’t call it a healthy relationship.

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Dealing With A Marriage In Crisis

Marriage isn't easy, even in the best of times.  But in the worst of times--when a marriage is going through a period of difficulty--marriage can be quite demanding.  This is why divorce is so common nowadays.  There is, however, a method in which a couple can deal with a marriage in crisis. 

This method works no matter what type of crisis the couple is hit with, whether it is a death or illness in the family, a natural disaster, trouble with the law, problems with children, or some other type of issue.

How can couples deal with a critical juncture in their marriage?  The basic method involves having a plan in place ahead of time, before such an eventuality occurs.  In other words, the couple needs to know how to handle an emergency or urgent problem before any type of predicament happens.  The tactics outlined below will suffice for most couples in working out most any type of critical situation.  By following these suggestions, couples should be able to deal with any marriage crisis as it arises.

--Do not blame each other for the circumstances or situation that you are in.  Blaming does not solve anything, and it could make things worse as it can increase hostility between the two of you.  Instead, be in control of your own actions and be supportive of your spouse's needs.

--Try to lower your expectations of how everyday life should function when dealing with a marriage predicament.  For example, you may need to eat meals out more often rather than cooking at home as you usually would.  Or, you may have to let the housekeeping slide if there isn't time to handle the regular daily upkeep of the home. 

Do not expect your spouse to pick up your slack as far as everyday life activities go; instead, consider hiring outside help or asking friends for assistance.  By not placing extra work on your spouse, the difficult period in your life will likely be less traumatic because you will be able to rely on your spouse for support.

--Make sure that you are communicating well with your spouse.  Do not use harsh language when speaking; rather, use calm, patient wording.  Speak to your spouse as you would like your spouse to speak to you.  Without good, strong communication, a marriage crisis can turn into material for a divorce--and this is definitely not what anyone wants.  So, be open-minded when having discussions and be sure to listen to your spouse's point of view.  Above all else, be able to forgive and move on if there are any issues with miscommunication.

--Approach the situation together.  A marriage in crisis is a problem for the couple, not for one spouse or the other; therefore, both people in the marriage need to work together in order to be able to get past the trauma.  Working together can mean facing the problem as one or it can mean getting therapy as a couple; this will depend upon the exact crisis that the couple is having.  

How Can I Cope When I Miss My Girlfriend

No matter who ends a relationship or why, breakups are painful.  They can make a person feel as if the world is about to end.  The hurt that comes from a breakup can pierce a person's heart, making it feel as if it has broken, or even shattered.  And it is incredibly difficult to get over missing a former mate.

The recovery period after a relationship ends may be a few days long or a few months long--there is no telling how long it will take a person to be ready to move on.  And some people have no idea how to begin getting over an ex, or how to cope with their loss (and yes, the end of a relationship does qualify as a loss, as it is the loss of love).

If this sounds like you, if all you can think is "I miss my girlfriend," then you need to read the suggestions below.  They will help you learn how to get past the heartbreak of this ended relationship, and they will help you to find a way to feel strong enough to move on.

First of all, you do need to know that it is completely ok to feel the way that you are feeling.  A lot of guys tend to hide the fact that they are upset by a breakup; however, it is far healthier to admit that you are sad or angry or hurt.  You should even go ahead and cry if you feel the need.  Make sure to talk to friends about the relationship as well and let them know how you are feeling; good friends will offer advice or insight.

Go ahead and take care of yourself at this time when you are missing your girlfriend.  Pamper yourself, even, by making sure to do the things that you love best.  Rent or Netflix some popular movies (no chick flicks are necessary now!) and snack on your favorite junk food.  Have a guys' poker night or guys' night out.

Now, before you go out and start dating other people you are going to want to get all of your old feelings for your girlfriend out.  Do not do this by calling her or emailing her!  Instead write a letter, including all of the reasons you were hurt and why you miss her.  Also include all of the reasons why you are glad the relationship ended--mention all of her bad habits that used to get on your nerves and all of her irritating little quirks, for instance.  Let everything out in the letter.  But--and this is VERY important--do NOT mail the letter (mailing the letter would be quite counterproductive, as it would bring your girlfriend back into your life).  Burn it instead, as a symbol of letting all of your old feelings dissipate and go away.

When "I miss my girlfriend" is all you can think, try the plan above--it can truly help you to cope when you are feeling as if you cannot go on after a relationship ends.

How Can I Move On When She Broke My Heart

At some point, most everyone must deal with a broken heart.  For some people, the experience isn't too horrid; perhaps a few weeks of sorrow and misery, and then they are back in the dating pool.  For other people, though, it can be quite traumatic when a relationship ends.  This may be because some people are more prone toward feeling grief and depression. 

For many, the most anguish-ridden breakups are when a particularly long relationship has come to an end. No matter the reason, here are some suggestions for helping anyone move on after suffering extreme heartache.

If you have recently gone through a breakup, you are likely experiencing a good deal of sadness, bitterness, and pain.  Do you often think "she broke my heart"?  Then these suggestions will help you to move on and get past your feelings of despondency.  Try these ideas as soon as possible so that you can get back to feeling happy and confident in yourself.

--Face the facts, but be realistic.

Yes, your relationship ended.  Yes, "she broke my heart" is a good description of what happened.  Neither of these statements mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you are unlovable.  Nor do they mean that you will never find another person to love.  To think that is being unrealistic. 

Be practical in your thoughts about your relationship.  The person you were with chose not to be with you, and that is what you must accept.  She was only one person, though, and her thoughts about you and this particular relationship will have no bearing on your future relationships.  Although she did break your heart, her power over you isn't absolute--she cannot hurt you any more than you let her.

--Get your ex out of your home.

Pack up everything your ex ever gave you, as well as every photograph you have of her.  Some people might advise throwing these items away; however, you might want to keep some items to possibly revisit at a later stage in your life when you can do so with fond memories.  In any case it is completely your choice as to what to do with the items--just do something with them to get them out of sight.  Be sure to change any electronic settings she decided upon as well, such as phone messages and ring tones or alarm clock settings.

Getting rid of all of these trinkets and photos helps because you will no longer have constant reminders of her in every area of your home and life.

--Write a letter to your ex.

This letter will never be mailed.  Instead, it will serve to work out your frustrations with the heartbreak.  In the letter, write down all of your emotions, rant and rave, whatever it takes to make you feel better.  Read the letter each time you think about how "she broke my heart."  Eventually, the feelings will dull and you will be ready to move on to a fresh new life without your ex.

How To Save My Marriage--Try Talking

Every marriage has problems and issues.  And every couple has their own way of dealing with the troubles that come up in a marriage.  Many times, people can work out their matters of contention through talking.  But, there are a great many couples who lack the skills to handle problems through talking because they simply do not understand how to speak to each other correctly.  These people need help learning how to appropriately talk to their spouses.

If you have trouble talking about problems with your spouse, and if you are wondering "how to save my marriage?" then this article is for you.  You will learn some simple suggestions for dealing with issues in your marriage by talking--or, rather, by changing how you are talking.

When thinking about saving your marriage, you need to think about some habits of which you may be guilty.  Of course, your spouse may have these habits as well.  But, if you start working on changing how you speak to your spouse, chances are your spouse will follow suit, changing how he speaks to you.  And, once the two of you begin speaking to each other respectfully and appropriately all of the time, your marriage will no longer need saving!

Here are the habits that you may need to change:

--Complaining

Are you a big complainer, grumbling about anything and everything?  This habit can be quite annoying--even if your spouse is a complainer as well.  Complainers tend to look for the negative aspects of life rather than the positive.  And, if you are a bellyacher, your spouse may be wondering what type of complaints you have about him.  Try to complain only when necessary, such as if a restaurant meal isn't up to par.

--Criticizing

Many people feel comfortable criticizing their spouses because they do not feel threatened.  However, your spouse is the last person you should criticize; after all, this is the person who vowed to love and cherish you until death.  So, why are you purposely trying to find fault in this person?  Or, if not that, why are you pointing out all of his faults?

--Nagging

This type of behavior simply never works--it is just annoying.  Instead of nagging, try gently suggesting to your spouse that you need something done.  Then, if he doesn't do it, let it go.  No, this isn't ideal in terms of getting things done; however, it does wonders for keeping peace in your marriage.  As for the tasks your spouse doesn't do, either do them yourself or hire some assistance.

--Blaming

Do you blame your spouse when something goes wrong, regardless of whether or not it was his fault?  This is not helpful at all; in fact, it leads to much frustration and unhappiness on the part of your spouse.  Blaming is never helpful.  Rather than blaming, try talking to your spouse when something goes wrong and working out how to solve the problem. 

By changing the way you speak with your spouse, you will no longer need to worry about "how to save my marriage."