Do You Know If Your Relationship Is On the Rocks?

No-one wants a relationship to end and if it does it can sometimes come as a big shock, leaving you feeling confused and not sure why it happened.  A break up can leave you feeling betrayed, rejected and can really put a dent in your self-confidence.

After a break up you will often find yourself wondering why it happened and what you could have done to save the relationship.  You will begin to ask yourself what you did wrong and what you could have done differently.  All those ‘what if’ questions will start running through your mind.

Some relationships, even after a break up, can manage to repair the damage and get back on track.  But it really is much easier to save a relationship if you can prevent it from reaching break up stage.  As soon as you see any signs of trouble in a relationship you need to act fast to resolve it.

You can only take steps to resolve any issues if you are aware that there are issues.  If you can recognize the warning signs of a relationship in trouble then you have a good chance of repairing it and preventing a break up from happening.  It really is essential to know what signs to look for so you can save your relationship before it’s too late.

Let’s take a look at some of the common warning signs of a break up.

Is your partner avoiding you?  If your relationship has reached the stage when your partner seems to be spending more time with his mates than he does with you then this can be a warning sign that trouble is pending.  Is your partner avoiding your phone calls?  Is your partner avoiding spending any romantic time with you?  Has he increased his night out with the boys from once a week to three or four times a week?  A yes answer to these questions is a strong warning sign that your relationship is in strife.

Has communication between you and your partner become uncomfortable or non-existent?  A happy relationship needs to have good communication so if it seems that you are having trouble communicating with your partner then there might be something to worry about.  Lack of communication goes hand in hand with the avoidance issue – if you’re partner is heading off to bed early rather than sit and watch a movie with you, then he is avoiding you and avoiding communication.

Do you seem to be arguing more than normal?    All relationships have some problems and there will be arguments from time to time; that is completely normal.  No two people can agree 100% about absolutely everything; it is just human nature to disagree about some issues.  The problem comes when there seems to be more and more arguing and less and less normal conversation.  There is also the severity of the arguments and whether they have changed from general arguing to very hostile arguing.  Your relationship may be in trouble if you find that arguments have become a regular occurrence and your partner seems to be picking fights quite a lot.  Sometimes prior to a breakup a person may pick fights because it helps them to justify their intentions when they do finally make the break and end the relationship.

Avoidance, lack of communication and a lot of arguing are three big warning signs that your relationship is in trouble.  If you are aware of these signs and notice them soon enough then you can work toward resolving any problems and saving your relationship.

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Ending a Relationship is Never Easy

Ending a relationship can be really difficult and you don't want it to be any more upsetting than necessary.  If you are considering ending a relationship you might be contemplating the best way to do it, but is there really a right way?

Ideally it would be good to end a relationship on good terms and without too much drama and pain.  Unfortunately the ideal ending to a relationship doesn't happen very often, but instead relationships often end in a bad way leaving behind feelings of anger and sadness.  When the break up is drawn out and messy it can leave both parties furious at each other and very bitter.

If you know in your heart that your relationship is over and are just trying to find the right way to end it, then keep in mind that this person is one that you have loved and has shared a big part of your life.  Find the right time to talk to your partner openly and honestly and let them know exactly how you feel.  Let her know your true feelings but don't go blaming her for anything, as soon as you start the blame game that is when it can turn nasty.

If the breakup comes as a shock to your ex then she will have a thousand questions running through her mind, so the more that you can explain to her the better.  By explaining your feelings and your decision to your partner then it will also help you to know in your own mind that you are making the right decision.  If you have been in the relationship for a long time then you really do want to take the time to break it to her gently and not just walk out leaving her wondering what happened.

You never know if you sit down and talk about how you are feeling you might even come up with another solution rather than just ending the relationship completely.  Perhaps you can spend some time apart to think things through and evaluate your situation before making a final decision one way or the other.

Or course this advice above is based on a relationship that has been reasonably happy.  For example, things will be a bit different if you are ending a relationship because your partner is abusive.  If you make the decision to end a relationship that is abusive then it is usually best that you leave the relationship as soon as you can.  Some relationships can be so abusive that a person is too scared to leave for fear that their partner will find them, so you will need to plan your departure carefully and you may need to seek help.

Even if you are the person ending the relationship, you can still feel sadness and loneliness when it is over.  Just remember, that when one door closes another door opens and although the end of a relationship is a sad time, you are now beginning the rest of your life, so enjoy every minute of it.

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Advice on How to Effortlessly Save Your Relationship

Relationships always start off happy and full of excitement and there is no better feeling than that ‘new relationship’ feeling.  Your first fight is terrible because it recognizes a sign of maturity in a relationship and that new feeling is fading.  Then if you start to feel that your relationship is in trouble; that can just be absolutely devastating.

As soon as you start seeing some signs of trouble in your relationship you can start to panic and might even start acting and thinking irrationally – which really doesn’t help the situation one bit.  How you act now can make or break your relationship so if you really want to save this amazing relationship then the following tips might be useful to you.

What is the Problem in the Relationship?

The first step to saving a relationship is to identify the cause of the problems that you are having.  All relationships will have some problems but some problems are worse than others and these problems are the ones that can break a relationship if they aren’t resolved.  Even the small issues are worth working at getting resolved as even though they are small, they can build up over time and become the cause of a failed relationship.  So to save your relationship and your love for your partner, it is important to identify any problems and work through them together.

Talk to Your Partner about the Problem.

A relationship is a two person journey and you can’t solve all problems on your own.  So if there is a problem in your relationship you will need to sit down with your partner and discuss it, don’t just try to resolve the issue yourself.  By talking about any problems that you have then you can both work toward solving the problem and saving your relationship.

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Do You and Your Partner Still Love Each Other?

A relationship won’t work without love to hold it together and sometimes people just fall out of love.  Love is a very powerful tool and if you both still love each other then you should be able to use that tool to save your relationship.  If your love for each other has died off then it may be time to say goodbye, but if there is still a glimmer of love then your relationship has hope.

It is possible to save a relationship that has problems if you can keep the above tips in mind.  Love is a two way street and you both need to feel love toward each other and be committed to saving your relationship.  If your partner doesn’t want to be in the relationship at all then you can’t force him to stay, but if he does still love you then there will always be hope.  Stay calm, look at the problems rationally and work them out together.

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Why Am I Still In Love - My Ex May Not Love Me

Falling in love is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems to happen in an instant, other times it takes longer, and other times you don't even realize just how much in love you were until after you have both gone your separate ways. If the last one sounds familiar then you may be asking, "why am I still in love with my ex?" There isn't an easy answer to that question, but let's take a look at some things you should consider.

A good first step is to change the question you are asking yourself. Instead of asking why you are still in love with your ex, ask yourself if you are really in love with them or not. What may be happening is that you are missing the relationship itself, and not the person you were with. There is something comforting about being in a routine. Once that routine comes to an end it causes a lot of stress. That stress isn't what causes the feelings of affection, but stress makes it easy to incorrectly identify what your real feelings are. So, take the time to figure out what you're really feeling before making any assumptions.

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Assuming you have determined that you do, indeed, still love your ex then you should know that you are not alone. As mentioned earlier, falling in love is a funny thing. It is very rare that both people in a relationship fall in love with each other at the exact same time; one or the other will feel love first. The same is true of falling out of love. While your ex may have fallen out of love with you, you still have strong feelings for them.

At this point you have two options. You can either hope that your ex will fall back in love with you, or you can try to stop loving your ex. Only you know which one is the best solution for you and your situation. Be careful here! Your first reaction will be to answer quickly, but that's a mistake. Take the time to reflect on the answer. Consider your motivations behind the answer. Do your best to be honest with yourself and what's really going on.

If you finally decide it will be best to try to patch things up and have your ex fall in love with you again, then you need to be prepared to take the needed steps to make that happen. Remember, your ex will change their feelings at a different pace than you will. This means you need to give them the time they need to give the relationship another chance.

On the other hand, if you decide it's best to move on and let your feelings fade for your ex, then you need to start doing so as soon as you can. The quicker you can get over these feelings and move on, the better. That way, the next time you find that you're asking yourself, "why am I still in love with my ex?", you can answer by saying, "I'm not. I have moved on to a brighter and better future!"

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How To Get Over Someone You Love - Time Helps

Going through a breakup is never an enjoyable experience. It doesn't matter which side of the break up you're on, and it doesn't matter how amicable it seemed to be; it's still a relationship coming to an end. No matter how long you were together, you had time to build up real feelings for the other person, and now you want to know how to get over someone you still love. I'm going to be honest, it won't always be easy, but it is possible.

Before we start looking at the specific steps you can take to get over someone after a break up, let's take a look at why that's so important to do. It's important because you are going to have to move on. You will eventually meet somebody new (or maybe you have already). The new person in your life deserves your full affections and shouldn't have to compete with the feelings you have for someone else. Okay, now on to ways to get over your ex.

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The first thing to do is think about any of the times you were treated poorly. Did your ex ever put you down? Did they ever intentionally ignore your thoughts or feelings? Were they abusive? This step can be painful, but the goal is to show yourself that they maybe didn't love you as much as you thought they did. This makes it easier to stop feeling as though they should be loved back.

You also need to give things some time. The more time that passes after your break up, the less affection you should be feeling. Unfortunately, sometimes the opposite is true. It seems that the longer we are separated, the stronger our love for the other person becomes. Don't let that happen to you.

Another thing that will help to answer the question of how to get over someone you still love is to accept that it's over. Your ex has already moved on. What you had may have been special, but there will be somebody else who will be even more special. Living in a fantasy world where your ex and you will be happy again isn't going to help get your feelings back in check. Therefore, it's best to accept reality and move ahead with your life.

Refocusing is another method of getting over an ex. People’s emotions can run high after a break up. This can actually amplify your feelings of love. The problem is that they are focused on the wrong person. So, if you can change the target of your affection, it will help you to get over the other person.

How to get over someone you still love is not always the easiest thing to do, no question. Relationships are complicated, and getting over them takes time. However, by following the tips above, you will soon be over your ex and be able to start living your life. After all, no matter what has happened in the past, you still deserve to be happy.

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Avoiding Scams in search of love

The Internet can be a place where you find true love. But if you create a profile on a dating site, it is very important for you to keep your eyes open. You risk being tied to a subscription that you may find it hard to get out of again.

Read The Sites Terms of Use

It is important that you read the dating site's terms carefully before you create a subscription.

Examine among other things, how long you lock yourself into that particular dating service. You should be certain to Double Check for a cancellation clause. Some of the places you can find the cancellation clause may be varied and difficult to see.

It could be buried in the "Terms of Use" page, it could be hidden under the purchase button in a very light shade of grey or even in the confirmation e-Mail you receive. However you should find that the vast majority of legitimate on line dating sites will make this information very easy to find.

Warning:

If you can not find clear and adequate information on the time period, the price and the cancellation notice period, be careful not to join the site.

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Check others' experiences with the site

It's also a good idea to check online whether other users have good or bad experiences with the site.

Consumer advocates, various State and country agencies, including State and Country Attorney Generals, have received complaints from consumers who have reported that after creating a free profile, on a dating site, they must upgrade to a paid membership to read messages from other users. In many cases these messages are auto-generated and or tailored to match what the consumer was looking for when meeting another member.

However, by reading the auto-generated messages, on the site, while thinking it was free, the consumer was automatically upgraded to a paying membership or was told to upgrade to read the messages. And when they did they were locked into a long term membership.

Once this was done, they found it extremely difficult to get out of the subscription when trying to cancel and get their money back. There have also been examples of the profile suddenly appearing on multiple sites because the owner of the site for marketing purposes has several sites with different names.

Cancellation and Refunds

Depending on the dating site, you basically have from 14 to 30 days to cancel, when you subscribe on the web or your mobile phone. In other words you can cancel the service anytime during the time period. However, as stated above you may find your self being charged for a full month, if you read the site's messages to you. So be careful! read the entire "terms of use" and know what it is going on

Create a free profile on a dating site, you may find that you need to upgrade to a paid membership to read messages from other users, and it also means that you waive the opportunity to withdraw from the contract. Always read the terms carefully before you upgrade your membership.

Rights to images

Please also note that if you give the rights to the images/pictures you upload to your profile, you may run the risk of giving, that dating site, to use the images in their marketing.

Avoiding scams in search of love isn't difficult. You just need to make sure you read the terms of use and know what you are signing up for and the permissions you are giving to the dating site.

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3 Tips About A Boyfriend Break Up

Did you wake up this morning with a devastating heart ache? Perhaps you're experiencing a monumental "hangover" headache and you don't even drink. Did you dread looking in the mirror, because you know what you're going to look like? There is a very good chance you have if you have ever had a boyfriend break up.

Frankly there are many things in your relationship that could have brought forth the breakup. However, you and I are going to concentrate on just three of them today.

1. Cheating with another woman:

Are you even sure you know what cheating is or what it actually involves? When you set down and began to examine the event that brought about the ending of the relationship, there are several question to ask yourself.

Was he texting a female you didn't know about? If so was it someone at work and the text involved work. That could be a legitimate and perfectly innocent relationship and does not even qualify as cheating.

Does it mean he was having an ongoing sexual relationship with someone from his past? Yes! That definitely is out and out cheating on your relationship. Are you so jealous that when he even glances at another woman, you expect he is cheating on you?

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As you can see there are many definitions for cheating. Therefore you need to be perfectly clear in your mind what your definition is about cheating prior to breaking up with your boyfriend.

Now I'm going to throw a little curve at you from out of nowhere. Prior to starting your "steady" relationship, did you and he talk about what each of you expected in your romance?

You may be really surprised by his explanation when you do the boyfriend breakup thing, when he just looked at another woman or was texting someone at work. When this happens you may need to decide if your expectations were out of the so called norm. One thing about it though, is when you really think about it you may have to decide if you want to breakup with the boyfriend or continue with the overall realationship.

2.Long distance love affairs:

You can almost bet when your trying to maintain a long distance relationship it is painful, extremely difficult and almost always ends in a boyfriend breakup; unless both of you are fully committed to making it work. If your not committed get prepared because the breakup is likely going to be just around the corner.

It is very likely you have seen more than one person experience this phenomenon.It really seems to be prevalent in the college age young people. Many of them had relationships in high school that carried forward into the early college years. However, when the schools were hours or miles apart and studies, social events and loneliness cuts in the boyfriend break up can occur.  

3. Lifestyle changes:

What if your beau has become a real pain in the butt? It just might be the perfect time to change your life. Even though the boyfriend doesn't want to break up you may have to be the one, who takes the bull by the horns, and does the breaking up.

Oftentimes as you mature and put on a few more years your thinking, goals and social approaches may change and often do. You may just be finding yourself not even wanting a permanent partner. And frankly there is nothing wrong with spreading your social wings.

Take the time to dig into your heart, mind and soul to see if the boyfriend breakup maybe exactly what you need right now. Yes both you and your significant other may hurt when the breakup takes place, but both of you maybe made of some very strong stuff and find out it's the best thing that ever happened to you.

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Don't Judge a Woman by Her Looks!

I know this tip may sound very cliche, but it's true. At some point or another we're all guilty of judging something, or someone, based on appearance alone. While it's not right, we still seem to have that tendency to be superficial. This type of behavior can be very detrimental when it comes to seducing a woman. Women like to be appreciated for who they are, not what they look like. Even those women who have great physical beauty don't necessarily want to be judged on that characteristic alone.

Women keep the thought in the back of their mind that one day they may want to have a child. If and when they become pregnant, look at all the changes their body goes through. The mere fact that their body has to expand at a very rapid pace to accommodate the growth of the baby is frightening. And the knowledge that their figure may never be the same is equally frightening.

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Another thought that women have is that eventually we all get older and less youthful in appearance. We know that in general, a man is considered more distinguished looking when his hair takes on the salt and pepper look, whereas women merely look old. A few wrinkles on a man are no big deal, but for women the first sign of a wrinkle is cause to consider bo-tox treatment, or more. Society has made women terribly self conscious. Bear in mind when considering what you truly believe is important in a woman. If looks is top on your list it will surely lead to a very dissatisfying experience for you, and your woman.

Let me give you a live example of having looks at the top of your list of qualities, a woman must have. My son's first wife was a beautiful young woman on the outside, but lacked certain traits on the inside that my son was looking for. Within a few short months the lack of these traits began to have an impact on their marriage. And the longer the marriage went on the harder the marriage came for both of them. Unfortunately within less than two years they divorced. Thank goodness there were no children involved.

Two years later my son married a woman who had a more normal physical appearance. However, she had an overabundance of "beautiful traits" on the inside. It quickly became apparent in their marriage that they were very compatible and were happy together.

I'm not trying to say that you have to resolve to be happy with someone you find utterly unattractive. Women all have preferences in looks, personality and many other traits that we have to abide by. It's a matter of compatibility. But what women do have to take into consideration is that attraction is not just a matter of physical appearance. So take the time to find out what's inside before you discount women based on what's outside.

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Don't Just SAY You're Sorry – Prove It

The words, "I'm sorry" can get us out of trouble when we've done something wrong or hurt someone we care about but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing the other person that you are truly remorseful.  Apologizing just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective way to apologize.  In doing so the recipient of the apology will most likely see through you and realize that your apology is insincere.  A sincere and well timed apology, however, will help to mend the relationship that was harmed by your words or actions. 

The most important way to prove that you are truly sorry for hurting someone is to ensure that the hurtful action is not repeated.  Apologizing over and over while continuing to make the same mistake shows that your apology is not really sincere.  On the other hand if you really mean that you are sorry for an action you will take careful steps not to repeat this action.  Apologizing for your actions is one thing but being cautious not to repeat your actions really proves that you are indeed sorry.  

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Being specific regarding the reason for your apology also really proves that you are sorry.  Many people are quick to offer an apology when they realize someone is upset with them but often they don’t take the time to figure out why the other person is upset.  Apologizing without stating the reason for the apology shows that you don’t understand the problem and that you aren’t sincere in your apology.  This is not an effective way to make an apology.  However, if you offer a specific reason for your apology you are proving that you understand what you did to hurt the other person and that do not want to repeat that action. 

Another way to prove that your apology is authentic is to be sure to offer the apology in person.  Having a third party speak to the person you have offended or apologizing via email or voice mail conveys a lack of caring.  This kind of apology shows that you aren't truly sorry for your actions.  Meeting with the person face to face to have a sincere conversation and offer your apology is one way to really prove that you are sorry.  It shows that you care enough about the other person to meet with them directly to try to make amends for your contributions to the disagreement. 

In apologizing, if you want to prove that you really mean it, be careful not to place blame on the person you are apologizing to.  Your apology is about telling the other person why you believe that you did something wrong.  While they may have contributed to the situation, now is not the time to point out their faults.  Instead take full responsibility for what you have done wrong.  Accepting full responsibility for your actions and apologizing for them without placing blame on the other person will prove that your apology is sincere. 

A genuine apology will also include telling the other person why your actions were wrong and how you intend to avoid hurting them in the future.  Doing this proves to them not only that you understand you were wrong but that you understand why you were wrong.  It also lets them know that you have already formulated a plan of action to ensure that this situation does not arise in the future. 

The timing of your apology can also help to prove that you really are sorry.  Waiting too long to apologize may show that you don't really care and that you are simply apologizing as an afterthought.  An apology that is made too early may risk being ignored because the recipient of the apology is still too upset to listen to what you are saying. 

It's important to give the other person a chance to vent their anger and calm down before rushing to apologize.  After a reasonable amount of time approach them and let them know that you understand their anger and believe that it is justified and that you wanted to give them a chance to calm down before apologizing. 

Sometimes it is not enough to simply apologize for your words or actions.  It is often necessary to not only apologize but to also prove that your apology is sincere.  A truly sincere apology proves that you are sorry by addressing the issue and acknowledging what you have done wrong while validating the other person’s right to be angry and addressing how you will avoid similar actions in the future.

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5 Dating Etiquette Tips For A Comfortable Date

1. Be Yourself:

When you go on a date there are certain things and ways you should behave. Of course you want the person to get to know you so you shouldn't try and be someone that you are not. This is extremely important and should be your number one priority.

Simply ask yourself this question, "Do I really want to start this date off with a lie or being someone I'm not?" Always remember either situation can come back to bite you later. Especially if you find out this is someone you would really like to have a meaningful relationship with.

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2. Personal Appearance:

When you go out on a date you should look and dress nice. Make an effort to dress appropriately for the type of date you're going on. This will show the other person you care about your appearance but you also care about what they think about you. If you don't care about what the
other person thinks then you probably shouldn't be going out on a date with them in the first place.

3. Prior To The Date:

Depending on the person you are taking out you should also remember to open the car doors and all doors for your date.

If the woman you are going out with is a feminist, then let her open the doors and do things for herself or it will bother her. She also will want to pay for her own meal.

If you are not going on a date with an independent woman who is a feminist then you should open the doors, be on time when you pick her up, and be prepared to pay for the entire date.

4. Can you afford the date:

As you well know in today's economy many prices have gone up,  in restaurants, places of entertainment and especially night clubs and bars. Don't take your date somewhere you cannot afford and never find yourself asking your date for money to cover the bill. This may well put you into the most embarrassing spot you have ever been. Think about this? What if your date only had a few dollars for an emergency?

And suddenly you find yourself and your date explaining to a police officer why you were trying to stiff the restaurant or place of entertainment. In some cities and towns you can be charged with a misdemeanor or even higher. To avoid this situation simply take a few minutes to call the places where you are planning on taking your date.

5. Asking Your Date Questions:

Dating etiquette also includes not making the other person feel as if they are on an interview. It is common for people on a date to ask many questions as they just want to get to know the other person.
However, don't make them feel as if they are on an interview or you might scare them off. Be sure to create a comfortable atmosphere.

In conclusion dating etiquette can make the difference if the date is a fun and exciting date or a complete dud. The majority of the time you won't  have to think about it, as you will just do it naturally.

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How to Give Compliments and Sound Sincere

The key to giving compliments is sounding sincere so that the recipient of the compliment is truly flattered and appreciative of the compliment.  An insincere compliment does not convey the same message.  

If you are giving the compliment for your own personal gain,  your lack of sincerity will result in the person receiving the compliment not really feeling touched by your words.  Sincere compliments are simple, timely and they are not premeditated.  A sincere compliment is also often given in the presence of others.  

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When complimenting someone it’s important to keep your compliment simple and specific.  A compliment that is too over the top sounds forced and does not seem sincere.  Instead of gushing about the recipient of the compliment offer a simple compliment on a specific achievement.  The simplicity of the compliment will sound more genuine than if you had gone into great detail in your compliment.  Also offering a compliment on a specific achievement instead of making a generalization shows that your compliment is sincere because you realize the importance of the achievement.  Offering a sincere compliment doesn’t have to be difficult, just keep your words simple and focus on the reason you are giving the compliment. 

Offering your compliment in a timely manner is also important to sounding sincere.  A compliment is most likely to be perceived as being genuine if it is offered relatively soon after the achievement is attained.  For example it would be appropriate to offer a college a compliment on a job well done on a project within a day or two of completion of the project because you see them on a daily basis while not offering the compliment almost immediately may result in it being perceived as insincere.  However if you hear that a former co-worker has just received a promotion it is appropriate to wait until the next time you see them to offer your compliment or you may send them an email within a week or two of hearing the news.  In the first example your daily contact with the other person warrants a compliment be given quickly while in the second example your distance allows you to wait a little longer before offering a compliment without the compliment seeming forced or out of place. 

Sincere compliments are spoken from the heart and are not premeditated.  A true compliment is spoken freely and without much thought while rehearsing and planning a compliment appears obligatory and insincere.  While thinking before you speak is generally a good idea, putting too much thought into a compliment can have the effect of not seeming genuine.  When offering a compliment let your emotions speak instead of calculating your words and your compliment will seem sincere.

Additionally a sincere compliment is also either given in writing or offered in front of others.  Doing this places additional validity on the compliment.  A compliment offered in writing or in the presence of witnesses conveys sincerity by virtue of the fact that the person offering the compliment is willing to allow proof of the compliment.  Compliments given verbally with no witnesses may in fact be sincere but offering the compliments in front of others is more effective if you want to appear sincere. 

Finally the most important and also most obvious way to give a compliment and sound sincere is to truly believe in the compliment you are giving.  If you are genuinely impressed with a person or their actions and offer an honest compliment, your sincerity will shine through and the other person will be duly impressed and flattered by your compliment.  It may sound overly simple but resist the temptation to give a compliment that you don’t really mean.  Compliments are also given for reasons other than sincerity such as personal gain and these compliments are rarely seen as sincere.  However, when a compliment is given simply because there is a feeling of admiration for the person receiving the compliment, the sincerity is obvious. 

The art of giving a sincere compliment involves a number of factors.  Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a sincere compliment stems from a genuine feeling of admiration.  Also offering a compliment without thoughts of personal gain is also imperative to giving a sincere compliment.  While these two factors ensure that your compliment is sincere the next few factors ensure that your compliment is received as being sincere.  Speaking from your heart and not rehearsing a compliment and offering your compliment in a timely manner and preferably in front of others create the appearance of a sincere compliment.

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How to Fight Fairly

In any relationship worth having conflict is bound to arise.  The true test of the relationship is whether or not you feel that it is worthwhile to resolve these conflicts and if you are able to do so in a fair and objective way.  Key elements to fighting fairly include sticking to the issue at hand, being open to listening to the other person, not involving others in the fight, not bringing up old issues and finally being willing to accept responsibility and let it go when the fight is over. 

It’s important to know what you are fighting over and to stick to that issue in the argument.  If you allow things to build up over time and then explode with many grievances at once neither you nor the person you are fighting with will have a clear understanding of what the issue is or why you are fighting.  It is important to address each issue as they arise to alleviate resentment and fighting that does not have a clear focus.  Sticking to one specific issue in a fight is the fair way to fight and it’s also the most successful way to fight.  If both parties involved have a clear understanding of why they are fighting you are much more likely to reach a mutually amicable resolution. 

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Listening is a very important component of fighting fairly.  It is imperative to allow the other person to offer their side of the argument.  Fighting without listening will not be effective because it does not allow you to be open to the other person’s opinions and justifications.  The other person may have a very valid reason for their actions but if you are only interested in what you have to say and are unwilling to listen you will not hear their point of view.  Another aspect of listening is to really understand what the other person is saying.  It’s very easy to not hear the intent of a person’s message.  In a fight you want to actively clarify the other person’s statements and give them the opportunity to affirm or negate your interpretation of their argument.  Listening attentively and understanding the other person’s argument is a very effective and fair way to fight. 

Bringing others into a fight is not a fair way to fight.  It is important that the fight take place between those directly involved and that neither party elicits the help of friends or family members to validate their position.  It doesn’t matter how many other people agree with you, that does not necessarily make you right, so don’t involve others in your fight.  This is not only not fair to your partner but it is also not fair to those who are dragged into the argument.  While you may have many people who agree with you and believe you are right, bringing them into the fight just isn’t fair and also isn’t effective. 

In a fair fight it is also important to not bring up old issues.  A fair fight will remain focused and bringing up the past distracts from the current issues and also sends the message that the past has not been forgotten.  If you partner feels that you are bringing up old issues, he may begin to feel as if the current fight is not worth fighting because it will not be forgotten.  If you convey the message that you are not willing to forgive and forget you are not fighting fairly because your partner will feel as though the argument is no longer worthwhile.  Also, bringing up old issues is not fair because they are not relevant to the current fight.  A fair fight is clearly focused on a current conflict without dredging up old issues. 

Another key tactic for fighting fairly is to be willing to accept responsibilities for your own actions and be willing to reach a resolution and move on from the argument.  Those who fight fairly are prepared to concede the fact that they may lose the argument.  Losing the argument means either that you admit that you were solely to blame in the situation or that you are unable to convince the other person of your argument.  What is important in a fair fight is not who is right or who is wrong but that the couple is able to reach an amicable agreement and that they are both able to progress and leave the fight in the past. 

Fighting fairly is crucial in a healthy relationship.  Disagreements are natural and resolving them in a fair way is imperative to a thriving relationship.  Not fighting fairly is indicative of a relationship that is not healthy.  A fair fight however incorporates the key elements of focus, listening and resolution without involving third parties in the fight.  A fair fight is also left in the past after resolution.  Fair fighting leads to resolution in most cases.

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How to Demand Respect AND Get It

Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person.  This feeling is generally a result of a person’s achievements.  While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve. 

There are several ways however that you can put yourself in a situation where you will begin to receive the respect that you deserve.  In general the keys to demanding respect and getting it are treating others with respect, treating yourself with respect, conveying a sense of confidence, not being afraid to make decisions and dressing appropriately.  These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.  

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If you expect others to treat you with respect, one of the first steps you must take is to begin treating others with respect if you aren’t already doing so.  If you have a disrespectful attitude towards others it will be difficult for them to feel respectful towards you.  Treating others with respect demonstrates that you are worthy of respect yourself because it shows that you are capable of holding others in esteem.  If you do not give others their due respect, many people will see you as a person who is not compassionate of others and not willing to understand the value of others.  Many bosses will try to demand respect by being authoritative with their subordinates.  While authority is a characteristic that commands respect, this is often taken too far and if the boss does not recognize the employees achievements the employee will most likely be resentful of the boss and not feel respectful towards him.  On the other hand a boss that maintains an authoritative air while also being supportive of his employees and willing to listen to their ideas will gain the respect of his employees. 

Treating yourself with respect is another key element to receiving respect from others.  Self respect is seeing yourself for your innate worth and acting accordingly by treating yourself with esteem.  It’s important to treat others with respect but by the same token you must also treat yourself with respect.  While self-deprecating humor may be your way of coping with your perceived inadequacies this type of behavior demonstrates to other that you do not feel you are truly worthy of their respect.  In order to gain the respect of others you must first treat yourself with respect. 

Confidence also inspires a sense of respect.  Being confident, without being arrogant, is a sign that you know your abilities and past performances are worthy of respect.  Knowing that you are a highly capable person and not being afraid to let others know this is another way to demand respect and get it.  Exercise caution with using confidence to command respect though.  Over confidence may have the reverse effect and result in you not receiving respect.  Knowing your abilities and being confident in yourself will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of those around you. 

Decision making is another aspect that could be a determining factor in whether or not those around you respect you.  This goes along with confidence in that if you are sure of yourself you will not hesitate to make the right decisions in any situation.  An ability to make decisions without wavering or being unsure of yourself will inspire confidence in those around you.  While it’s important to seek advice and counsel from others, if you are in charge of a situation the decision is ultimately yours to make.  If you make valid decisions without showing signs of doubt you will be respected for your ability to take a stand and act on what you believe is right. 

Dressing the part is also very important in earning the respect of others.  While casual clothing may be acceptable in many work places you will find that those who are in a position of authority and command respect often dress less casually than those who are not well respected.  While your clothes are not an accurate indication of your abilities others around you may jump to conclusions based on your appearance.  While this is a sad fact of life, it’s important to acknowledge that this does exist in society and take care to always convey a professional appearance.  Doing so will help you to earn the respect of your friends and colleagues as well as your employer. 

Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, in most cases, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned.  You can earn the respect you deserve by treating yourself and others with respect, being confident and unafraid to make important decisions and dressing in a way that shows that you have respect for yourself.  All of these aspects will help to ensure that you are not only demanding respect but also getting it.

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How to Flirt Effectively

Men and women flirt differently, for different reasons and expect different outcomes to the flirting. However, if you put aside that outcome and flirt just to be friendly you are opening yourself to different opportunities. You may well end up with a new lover but if that doesn’t work out you could meet someone who becomes a good friend and who knows who she might introduce you to. Keep your options open.

After you have exchanged glances and smiles across a room and you are fairly confident that SHE thinks that she might like to get to know you better, send a drink to her. But remember that ALL you are buying is a drink. Don’t expect her to fall at your feet. Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a drink, watch when she receives it and smile, then look away – look back again later to show your interest.

If you find yourself invited to her table, keep you mind on the conversation and not on getting a date with her. Most women want to know what kind of person they are going out with long before they actually go out with them. Make an effort to get to know her and give her the opportunity to get to know you before diving in for a date.

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Do not ever approach two women in the same group. No woman wants to feel like second best. Refrain from approaching one after another in the same group. You look like a loser and the women may think you are desperate and looking for any port in a storm. Even if you are, don’t show it.

When you compliment a woman make certain that it is a genuine compliment. There’s nothing worse than someone giving out a load of overblown lines. Everyone has something great about them, notice that and compliment them genuinely.

Do not ever put your hands on a woman uninvited. Some women have no objection to ‘touchy feely’ encounters, others are horrified by it. Respect the person until you have had the opportunity to know more about her. Touching can be a lovely flirty action, but should be confined to the arms or resting the hand just above the arms and NOT touching, until you know more. Test the personal space by moving closer, noticing the reactions then moving back a little to remove the threat.

Respect yourself at all times. Women always fall for men who are that little bit unreachable. Don't hover or grovel or act desperate. Think of yourself as special and know what you deserve the very best.

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5 Tips For Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Think you don't stand much chance of getting your ex girlfriend back without begging or apologizing for things you did not even do? If so, you've fallen into the same trap I did after my girlfriend walked out. Don't feel bad; most guys react the same way in this situation. Nine chances out of ten, you are doing the exact opposite of what you should be and it's only making your ex glad she left. 

Here's what you should be doing instead:

Stay calm!

You had a fight, you yelled at each other, she told you she never wants to see your face again and walked out. Once you start to really feel you've lost her, panic sets in. You end up calling her every day, sending one email after another, and basically turn into a stalker before you realize it.

No woman in her right mind is going to go back to a guy who is hunting her. Take a few days to collect your thoughts and then try a few times to contact her. If she does not respond, move on to the next step, which is:

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Talk to her friends! 

Not what you wanted to hear, I bet. Yeah, trying to impress her friends was hard enough when you were going out, but now that she has spent hours telling them what a jerk you are, how are you supposed to approach them?

Unfortunately, though, when it comes to getting your girlfriend back, these are exactly the people you need to be talking to because they have the most power to sway your ex. If you can explain your side of the story and at least get a little sympathy, the next time she mentions you, they are at least going to put in a good word for you.

Stay attractive!

Let's face it, a lot us, both men and women, have a tendency to let ourselves go when we are feeling depressed. Maybe you wear the same shirt for three days in a row or put off getting a hair cut for a little too long. This is exactly what you shouldn't be doing. I know its hard, but you, no matter how bad you feel, take care of yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep, and don't skimp on personal hygiene. Not only will you feel better, you're ex girlfriend will see you as someone worth being with.

Be open!

Once you get a chance to talk to her, you have to know what to say. Part of that means explaining what you were thinking when you had the fight that almost ended the relationship.

This is a hard one, I know. If I had my choice, no body would ever know I ever had a single problem in my life. In reality, though, you'll be better off admitting that you were stressed out from work, family problems, or whatever than trying to cover anything up.

Getting your ex girlfriend back doesn't have to be hard if you keep your self respect and tackle the problem head on. Stay calm and be honest about what caused the split and you'll be well on your way to reconciling with your lady.

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Whats Up With Relationship Coaches?

A relationship coach is an expert who literally becomes a part of your relationship for a short time and during that time they evaluate your relationship, act as a visionary in helping you to realize the potential of your relationship and offer tips and guidelines for achieving this potential.  

A relationship coach often has extensive education in human development or communication and they utilize their educational background to help to enhance your relationship.  Relationship coaches are tasked with instilling the skills necessary to produce a more fulfilling relationship and they often do this through listening to your understanding of the problem, observing the couple in action and creating a customized plan of action for the couple.  This article will outline the basic functions of a relationship coach and how they can be beneficial in a relationship. 

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The first step that a relationship coach will often take is to listen to a couple's complaints about the relationship.  While the couple may not be seeing the full problem, their understanding of the existing issues is often a good starting point for a relationship coach to begin her evaluation.  It is important that in your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you bring up all of the problems you see with the relationship. 

While you and your partner may have already discussed these issues at length, your relationship coach needs to hear these issues so that she can be sure to make an effort to observe these issues in the next stage of the process.  Being open and honest with your relationship coach about your perception of the problem is crucial to receiving a benefit from the use of a relationship coach.  Trying to hide certain issues or neglecting to mention them does not give the relationship coach an accurate representation of your relationship.  Furthermore it can be detrimental because if you neglect to mention a particular issue your relationship coach may be inclined to believe that you are satisfied with this aspect of your relationship and may not work to make improvements in this area.  In your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you will have the opportunity to offer your take on the relationship and let the coach know what you think is working and what needs improvement. 

After the initial consultation a relationship coach will often take some time to evaluate the couple’s relationship through observation.  They may come into the couple's lives on a daily basis and ask them to act normally while they observe the way that the couple interacts.  This step is very important because it gives the relationship coach a chance to determine whether or not the couple's self assessment of their relationship is accurate.  The couple may have their own beliefs about why an aspect of their relationship is dysfunctional but through careful observation the relationship coach may determine that the source of the problem is very different from the couple’s perception.  While a relationship coach may be able to determine the problems in a couple’s relationship through observation, this is only possibly if the couple makes an honest effort to act naturally during this observation period.  If the couple tries to fix their own problems during this phase and does not act naturally it will be difficult for the relationship coach to form a valid opinion about the way the couple interacts. 

Once a relationship coach has had the opportunity to meet with the couple and spend some time observing their interactions they will be able to design a customized plan of action for enhancing the relationship and working to improve troubled areas.  The relationship coach will often offer exercises for the couple that will help them to see what they are doing wrong in the relationship and how these discrepancies can be fixed.  These exercises may involve either role playing activities that address everyday situations the couple faces or tips for communicating in stressful situations when they arise.  These exercises may also offer ways for the couple to learn to communicate in new ways for all situations not just those that place stress on the relationship.  While the exercises prescribed by the relationship coach may sound either too complicated or too simplistic, it is important to remember that these exercises won’t help your relationship unless you are willing to give them a try. 

Finally it is important to realize when relationship coaching will be effective in a relationship.  The general rule of thumb is that if you are considering enlisting the help of a relationship coach, then they will most likely be able to help your relationship.  The simple fact that you are considering a relationship coach demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship and are willing to work to improve the relationship.  If you have never heard of relationship coaches and a friend or relative suggests one and your attitude is that they won’t be able to help you that that is an indication that you have already given up on the relationship and in this scenario a relationship coach will most likely not be able to help your relationship.  The use of a relationship coach is most effective when at least one but preferably both of the partners are committed to doing whatever it takes to salvage the relationship. 

Relationship coaches may not be for everyone or every relationship but they can be critical in enhancing a relationship in some situations.  It is important to realize that relationship coaches can not solve all of your problems but they can offer you solutions for some problems and exercises for working on these problems.  If you are willing to put an honest effort into solving some of the problems in your relationship then you may greatly benefit from the advice of a relationship coach.

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Managing the Relationship Matrix

In general a matrix is a table of data containing information in both rows and columns. Specifically a relationship matrix could be one that is used to determine your genealogical relationship to another.  However in terms of relationships, the relationship matrix often refers to how compatible you and your partner are in respect to certain issues such as communication, interests, and financial and career.  While the partners do not have to agree completely in all or any of these areas, finding a balance is critical to a healthy relationship. 

Communication is one of the factors in the relationship matrix.  Style of communication can vary from speaking based on emotion and without much thought to your words to speaking based on logic and putting much thought into what you plan to say before you begin speaking.  On one hand the speaker who relies on emotion, often speaks from their heart and their words usually reflect their feelings at the moment they are speaking.

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On the other hand there is a speaker who relies on logic and often spends much time calculating their words before they speak.  This speaker rarely reflects their emotions in their words and instead relies on facts to support their argument.  While neither style of speaking is right or wrong, conflict may arise in a relationship if the partners are on opposite ends of the spectrum.  These problems may arise if the partner who speaks on emotion is frustrated with the lack of emotion and slow speech of the logical speaker and the logical speaker is in turn frustrated by the lack of restraint shown by their partner.  The partners can help to manage this part of the relationship matrix by trying to meet somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.  The emotional speaker may agree to take some time to step away from their emotions for a few minutes before speaking and the logical speaker may agree to try to speak more freely and without so much restraint in the future. 

Interests and hobbies is another aspect of the relationship matrix that can either doom or enhance a relationship.  Sharing common interests can be beneficial to a relationship because it fosters closeness and a bond between the partners.  They are able to enjoy a common interest or hobby and doing so brings them closer together.  If a couple has no common hobbies, this can be detrimental to the relationship because the members of the couple may feel as though their partner is not taking an interest in their activities.  While this may sound simple enough, it is important to realize that balancing out this aspect of the relationship matrix is very important.  Having too many interests in common can result in one or both of the partners feeling as if they are being smothered while showing no interest in your partner's activities indicates a lack of caring. 

Financial and career aspirations are a tricky part of the relationship matrix that can be a source of much strife in a relationship.  There are two extremes for approaching finances and career.  On one extreme there is the logical and conservative partner while on the other extreme is the emotional and liberal partner.  These two extremes can be a recipe for disaster so it is necessary for this couple to find a sense of balance.  While one partner may be a risk taker in terms of their finances and career the other prefers a more conservative route.  Such extremes often result in the partners becoming frustrated with each other.  This frustration stems from the partners both being uncomfortable with the others approach.  For example the more liberal partner may be upset that the more conservative partner sticks with an unfulfilling job just because the pay is good while the conservative partner may be frustrated that the liberal partner works at a low pay job just because it is enjoyable.  In order to resolve any issues and avoid future conflict, it helps if the partners can come to an agreement that is more to in the middle of the road.  Reaching a compromise that is moderate instead of conservative or liberal will ensure that the financial aspect of the relationship matrix is balanced. 

The key to managing the relationship matrix is balance.  Finding a compromise in regards to crucial issues of the matrix such as communication, interests and finances will result in a much happier and healthier relationship.  While complete agreement is not critical to the survival of the relationship, a willingness to make compromises and understand your partner's positions on the matrix is critical.

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Getting Beyond He Said-She Said

The term, "He said/she said" is often heard in the unfortunate case of rape.  In this situation the term applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine who's story they believe and the case becomes one of her word against his.  These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship.  

Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem that men and women think and process information differently. The differences between male and female gender include differences in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication.  A successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she said scenarios.  

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Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems.  While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between them. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner.  Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. 

Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution.  Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem.  Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together.  Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper. 

Sensitivity is another area where ladies and gentlemen differ.  Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. 

However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration.  This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision.  Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple to get beyond he said/she said. 

Men and Women also differ in terms of memory.  Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item.  For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. 

Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions.  This type of memory is especially problematic because when a women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don't understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that is so vivid to them. 

Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship.  Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner.  When they do decide to discuss a problem it's usually after much thought and careful consideration.  Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily.  Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion.  They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution.  The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship.

Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship.  Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to flourish.  Understanding these he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship; in regards to gender differences.

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Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back This Week May Not Be As Hard As You Think

When you're trying to get your ex boyfriend back, while a cooling-off period can do you both a lot of good, you don't want to wait too long. Once the memories of all the good times you had together start to fade or he meets another woman, you may have lost him for good. To make sure that doesn’t happen, here’s a step-by-step plan to get your ex boyfriend back fast.

Assess why he left

When you first met, you were both on your best behavior and a lot more tolerant of each others quirks. But be honest, after you got more comfortable with each other you weren't so perfect all the time, were you? Maybe you started to take him for granted or you got a little pushy now and then. Before you can get your ex boyfriend back for good, you need to know what made him leave in the first place.

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Fix problems on your end

Once you know what went wrong, you need to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again. It's easy to blame his annoying habits or lack of communication skills for any tensions between you two, but ultimately you are responsible for your reactions to whatever he does. You'll either have to find a better way to deal with whatever he did that irritated you or decide maybe he wasn't the right guy for you after all.

Plan your first contact

So, hopefully you haven't already called him a dozen times and sent six emails titled "Please reply, I can't live without you." If you have, the rest of this article may not help you. If not, though, you still have the option of carefully planning how you're going to get to see him again. Stay away from pathetic excuses and go for something fun and casual like inviting him out with some of your friends to do something the two of you used to enjoy doing together.

Be open and flexible

Once you do get to talk to him, let him do the complaining and you do the listening. That doesn’t mean you should give in to all his demands, but at least hear him out before you jump in with your own opinions. Make sure this conversation takes place in a neutral setting and preferably a public one. There are two reasons for the neutral setting:
 

1. Neither one of you will feel you have the "home team advantage".
2. There is less chance of either of you letting your emotions run away with you.

Remember, even if they weren’t obvious to you, he had good reasons to leave. If you’re going to be a couple again, you'll need to do some compromising. One good tactic to get him to open up is to ask if he’d be willing to tell you what he felt went wrong in the relationship so you can learn from your mistakes. 

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You can probably get your ex boyfriend back a lot sooner than you think, but you need to have a proven plan to follow. Some of the free tips online may just backfire on you and make the split permanent. When you choose a proven plan designed by an experienced relationship counselor, though, you can not only get your ex boyfriend back, you can do it with a lot less stress and drama.